Self-Sabotage Part II: Life Without A Plan

In our last post, I rattled on about The Art of Self-Sabotage, and how to (perhaps) begin becoming an intentional mom.

I wrote about this because of my personal relationship with living unintentionally.

I’ll start by sharing a bit of my uber-unintentional path, to paint a picture of what that might look like.

Life Without A Plan

When I started my work with mothers several years ago, I truly had no attachment to a greater goal. I just knew – at my very core – that I needed to work with this particular segment of society and our world (more specifically, with you). This path was more than unexpected. Having grown up without the desire for children myself, I never saw this coming. But here I am, a mother madly in love with her motherhood. And here I am sharing God’s Word, His goodness, and what I believe the Universe has in store for each of us on our mothering paths if we can only find the greatest good within. The good He has made.

But it hasn’t been a dreamy, ease-filled process. In fact, it’s been a walk-through-the-trenches-at-midnight sort of ride. I’ve had multiple businesses – from a yoga studio to direct sales distribution – and went into none of it with any sort of plan.

(Opening my coaching practice has been different, and I’m thankful to press pause on unintentional living, indefinitely!)

Are you walking your experience of motherhood, career, fitness, spiritually, personal development, finances – really any significant area of your life – without a plan, too?

Coachable

You might be without a plan, but this doesn’t mean that you’re failing life. I want to ask you a very important question today – and I only ask for your honesty in return. (I know only honesty. It’s big. But do it. You’ll thank me for it later, I promise.)

Even if you are living life without intent, are you still coachable?

Laura Probert, MPT writes in her Huffpost article, “Being coachable is one of life’s most important skills and attitudes, whether or not you’re an athlete. If you’re any kind of person who wishes to grow, learn, improve, excel or peak perform, you should care about whether or not you’re coachable. In other words, being coachable relates to a happy, productive life. It means you’re ready to do what it takes to change, transform, improve or excel, whatever that means for you and your situation.”

Let’s Reflect

Personally, this paragraph brought up some reflection – and led me to ask a few questions of our tribe! Take some time on your own to dig into these, and see what responses you come up with. It might just take your unintentionality and turn it upside down!

  • What does being “coachable” mean to you?
  • What has your experience been (thus far) of growing and developing into the person that God has created you to be? and
  • What would you like your future experience to be like?

A Deeper Dive

For those on a Spirit-led path, grab some time in Jeremiah 29. One of the most reflective verses for those of us fearing the shift from unintentional to intentional (the act of creating a plan and therefore a life we design) is verse 11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Your future isn’t determined just by you. Let these words stay with you, as you gather all the tools and resources necessary to begin your transition to co-creating your path, your plan, and your Universe. Small shifts for your greatest good will create greater good in all. I can promise you that.

Until we meet again, may you be surrounded by So Much Love (Yours, Mine, & His) on this path.

xox

Jennifer

But Not Right Now

Dear Mild & Wild Ones,

I went to bed the other night feeling a bit broken and beat down. What has transpired from that unrest, blows my mild. For so many years, I have been the jack of all trades. It was during the space created on Sunday night that it came into my attention not everyone will understand why I must have my hands in ten different things at once – and that sometimes, I will also forget why I dive into everything that calls my name.

But then I think about who our God is, and I know that when He puts your name on a task – you don’t say no. In the last few years of building our family’s business, I have not said no. What I have said is “but not right now.” And he’s still blessed me. In January, I first wrote down that I should begin writing. And immediately thereafter in my journal, I wrote “but not right now.”I think there is such an interesting web we can weave for our future when we say those four simple words. Sometimes, he’ll respond so that you have no doubt that “not right now” is now. And other times you’ll have a prompt (like I did late one night for a manuscript I just sent off to four different publishing houses). And still other times, you’ll make a guess about when it is “right now.”

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I know how easy it is to spiral into a space of constant busyness. And I am thankful for amazing friends and family and a Father that remind me how important it is to say “not right now.” If no’s are hard for you too, this might be a good place to start!

And through it all, you’ll be offered grace. Through it all, you will carry out his plans. Because you are known, my sweet children. You were knit in my womb by a maker that has predestined you to a greatness that neither you nor I know of… yet. In Jeremiah 1:5 it says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” And in Psalm 139:13, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

How awesome.

How awesome that we are offered free will each and every day to pick up the staff and move onward, or leave it there and be still. How awesome that God already knows which you’re going to choose – even though you don’t until that moment. I think of David often lately, and the temple project he worked laboriously. A project he didn’t see come to fruition, but his son did. What if everything he’s placed on my heart isn’t meant to flourish in my time? Maybe that’s why I don’t say no. Because I could begin to build the legacy that one or both of you will fulfill.

So many thoughts as I allow myself to dream without limits again (for the first time in maybe a year or so!). So much joy in realizing that my greatest dream is alive and well. I’m home with both of you. Exactly where he’s called me to be for exactly two years this month.

I love you sweet babies. I treasure the good and the rough and the sleepless and everything in between. And I am so hugely, enormously, awesomely glad that I don’t have to say “but not right now” to you.

“I have heard You calling my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So I will let You draw me out beyond the shore
Into Your grace
Your grace

You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way.”

-You Make Me Brave, Bethel Music

Love,
Mama J.

How To Get Everything Done

Dear Wild,

Someday, you might just have a business of your own. Or maybe for reasons other than changing lives or paying the bills,  you will crave “getting all the things done,” but there will come a day or many days that it seems impossible. Let me advise you today, that business ownership is for everyone (especially the attention-shy wild one and the mama who feels so very hopeless about her world) and that you can get all the things done.

But not all in the same day.

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This is a picture of my wild, naked, knife-wielding sensory processing miracles and self care all in one. Sometimes on really incredible days, I can actually combine two of my priorities – and everybody wins. Refuse to go to bed feeling like a failure. Because you aren’t.

 

Just a few weeks ago, I was blessed to sit in a room full of business leaders and pastors. Me. A stay at home, work at home, leggings-as-pants-wearing mama bear. And, while I missed you every single moment my sweet and exhausting child, I was given fruits for my labors times ten. The fruit for working hard these last two years – with you – was listening to Bishop T.D. Jakes talk about balance.

Wild, we’ve been fooling ourselves! We can get all the things done. Just not all in the same day. Something is going to slide each day, as Jakes put it. “Just don’t let it be the same thing two days in a row.” Boom. That was GOLD. So, let me think out loud for a moment here. This means that…

  • if today we only read one book, mama can make it up and read you five tomorrow
  • you watch an extra show today so that I can pay the bills (aka work next to you) we can go television-free tomorrow
  • we eat organic, vegan, gluten free ice cream for dinner tonight – I can make a fabulous paleoish, green-filled dish for us all to enjoy on Saturday night

and I can do all the things and do it guilt-free. (If you’re a mama reading this right now, I beg of you to do life guilt-free with me!)

What Bishop Jakes did not touch upon is the essential foundation for BAU, or business as usual, is… (wait for it) priorities. There are priorities and necessities and wants that make you the best version of yourself. Today, I want you to ask yourself two simple questions:

  1. What is a daily priority? For me, It’s God, my family, and my well-being. The first one is always first; the second two are interchangeable in order depending upon the day.
  2. What helps me focus on my priorities first? I call this my oxygen tank. What is filling me up so that I can focus? I am the mother of a sensory processing child; a seeker; a child that has anxiety and OCD – and quite honestly, I’ve never been quite so great at focusing either. My go-to’s include: a good cup of tea; great jams (usually worship music), comfy and cute clothes (I really, really hope to go the sustainable route super soon… I’ll share when it comes); patience; presence; and an easily accessible source of dark chocolate. For real, the chocolate needs to be like Right. There.
  3. What do I feel guilty about? Can I let it go, and sing “There’s always tomorrow” with Ms. Annie herself? If not, should this be added to my daily Top Three priority list? I (somehow) am walking around with so little guilt right now, I don’t have an example for this one. But one that I did have guilt over was having a nanny four years ago when I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t walk because I didn’t take care of myself. And that was all on me. So, I changed it. My well-being is a Top Three priority. And it will stay that way.

I’m going to end here, sweet wild baby – and friends who will someday have names attached to likes – with a verse to reflect on. Trust that you’re choosing right, because of who you are trusting in. “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” – Isaiah 26:3

Love,
Mama J.