The Battle With Autoimmune Disease

The Battle With Autoimmune Disease

It was just two years ago, when I decided that I was done having an autoimmune disease. Without digging too deep into history, I had been sick for a long time. A really long time. When I met my husband (at age 21), I had a decade of doctors visits and hospital stays under my belt; I was taking a powerful drug to keep my seizures under control; and I readily shared about my dis-ease. I shared because in order to do life with me, you would have to also do life with it.

Fast forward through learning that I had lumps in both breasts in 2008 and then living through one of the worst autoimmune crash/flares of my adult life in 2011 and, we were absolutely doing life with it. Life was a delicate dance of “living” to the max and then going days and days with an exhaustion so deep that I thought that I might die. Literally. Mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, it is taxing to feel like a burden. I know this firsthand. And because I didn’t want others to know how much of life felt like a challenge to me, there was a constant chatter in my head of “I can go without this much sleep until…” and “I can have this much sugar today, but…” and “I can go out for at least…” Perhaps, dot dot dot.

By 2015, I had spent more time crawling through motherhood than experiencing it. So, I claimed change. I claimed laying it all at the Lord’s feet thanks to Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I couldn’t quite imagine this easy yoke or less-burdensome existence that Jesus spoke of, but I was willing to search for it. These are my tips from that adventure:

  1. Ditch the label. When I picked up my bible and found Matthew 11:28-30, I wasn’t picking up the cross too. Jesus died to make us whole. Did you hear that? You Are Whole. You are not your disease. You actually aren’t any of the labels society throws at you – but especially this. You do not have a cross to carry (Jesus carried it already), and your disease does not define you. Unless you allow it to. Which brings me to my next tip…
  2. Pick up a micro-habit. Find something attainable and do it every single day. Your habits do define you. They build you up into the person that God wants you to be! You can only become this best version of you in two ways: 1. by slowing moving in the direction of who you want to become and 2. by beginning with the end in mind. Slow movement is easy to make into consistent movement. Goals make movement almost effortless. Example: Every teacher and holistic doctor that I’ve seen over the last two decades has reminded me that while rest is necessary with the disease that I do battle with, I must still exercise in whatever capacity my body allows – even a 2-5 minute walk each day counts. My goal this year? Exercise daily. My micro habit? 10 push ups a day (…keep the doctors away… is my 2017 motto). And guess what? Most days, I throw in some yoga, a plank, or some sit ups. And when I feel really good? I hit the elliptical machine. An object in motion stays in motion. Period. If you know nothing else about our Lord, know that His goal for you is to be blessed by the body that you’re in. For some of us, it’s recognizing that complete healing is an option (and then choosing micro-habits to move toward that). And for others, it’s seeing the good in what we – in our humanness – often want to label as bad or ugly. Whether you’re on either side of that path (healing or thriving with disease), it’s time to hit up my final tip…
  3. Get into gratitude. One of my favorite references to “praising through hardship” is in the bible. While many of us understand the power of a positive mindset, there is nothing that can mend a broken soul more permanently than belief in something or someone greater than yourself. I want you to know that wherever you’re at, Job most likely had it worse. But because of his faith, he was able to go through the agony of scraping itchy sores all over his body with a clay pot, yet still find goodness His perspective took into account that in his lifetime, he had experienced lots and lots of blessings from the hands of the Lord. And guess what – after his hardship, there were also lots and lots of blessings! Even during Dengue Fever (exacerbated by my autoimmune disease), I could praise through. Did I ask God to take me away? Absolutely! I’m human – and the worst pain of my entire life accompanied the mosquito-borne viral infection. But there were moments that I could see Papa’s great hand on my life (like the fact that during the illness, my husband was already a stay at home dad and could take care of our young kids). Back to Job. Read it. For real! I don’t care if you don’t have a believing bone in your body (okay, actually I do – because I love you, but still), grab The Message version of the bible and read this. If you don’t enjoy reading, watch this sermon. Then praise through with me.

My greatest prayer is that in reading this today, these tips will help you. Some of us heal from disease and others of us walk through it for a lifetime. If you’re on the latter end, know that you aren’t walking it alone. I am with you, and far greater than that God is with you. There are ways to go this path without the yoke and the burden. And all of them go back to a relationship with Him. If you’d like to learn more, contact me. I would be happy to partner with you as you grow in your wellness and faith, because truly, they go hand-in-hand.

So Many Blessings,

xox Mama J.

Labels

Dear Wild,

This morning I woke up and I read this amazing article. I knew that I needed to dive into our story, again. I instantly felt that others might need to know why I share our story (even if I know why I share our story). Too many people might feel that this is unnecessary, and it might be uncomfortable for them to read these posts – often with raw emotions and vulnerable hearts. Others might even feel like this is invasive. We’re opening the door into our private lives to share some of the experiences that we’ve had with you, my sweet miracle child. But to not share these, would be detrimental to our growth as people and as a family, and it would perhaps halt the impact we might make on other people going through something similar.

What I want other people to know, from the moment that they dig into our conversations here, is that you DO have a label! And I’m okay with that. But, what I didn’t realize until last night, was that you don’t know you have a label. It made me really quite sad to see your confused little face as I explained an outburst to your big brother. I knew in that moment, you weren’t prepared to listen, but one day very soon you will be. Listen, my sweet girl. Mama is about to tell you all about your label. The label that describes your quirks and disposition. The quirks and disposition that make you, you.

Let’s pause here. Some people might think that’s a great thing! That you, my wild child, have no idea that you have sensory processing disorder, or that you are most likely on the spectrum. But to me that means you don’t know who you are. And sweetheart, I will give everything I’ve got for you to know and accept the kind of different that you are. You are wild; you are funny; you are fantastically smart; you have the most interesting perspective on the world. You amaze me every single day… even as I dress you because you can’t quite do that without prompting; even as I feed you when we are on a timeline, because I know otherwise you’ll get distracted; even as I remind you to use the toilet, because I know that again there might be too many other sensations going on for you to process, and you won’t recognize the sense of urgency. You are amazing, even though I jokingly refer to you as my tiny Alzheimer’s patient. (Because let’s be honest, even though you’re amazing, you take work.)

bliss
One of those moments where I would do anything to see your beautiful face, but your comfort is in hiding behind a pirate hat – in your own sweet little world.

But it’s harder for you. And that is why I shout out your label(s) to the masses! It’s so much harder for you – and you should know that. Not because it’s a place for you to grow weary and complacent and weak, but because you need to know that you are a force to be reckoned with. Every day you face unseen battles that typical kids don’t face. I watch someone like Dr. Temple Grandin and her accomplishments, and I think YES. The obstacles you are navigating will allow for you to make a far greater impact on the world than I can.

Labeling allows for you to know – and one day soon process – how very strong you are, my sassy girl. And labeling allows others to “see” you. So often the world runs about without focus. When we share your label, we give them somewhere to set their sights on. Expectations change, and understanding begins.

So, I’ll end my ramblings here. I want you to know that you are different, because different equals powerful. I want others to know you are different, because all types of different have a place in our world. If we were all the same, no one would step outside of normal. Spectacular change comes from life outside of normal; and the greatest contributions that we can make come from being different! And you my sweet baby girl you are so different.

Have you heard yet, baby girl? You. Are. Different. And praise God for that.

“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

– Romans 12:6-8 NIV

Love,
Mama J.